Goodbye Friendships. I am Embarrassing.

One of the first things I remember being told by people is to be quiet, to talk more softly, to not shout and to not talk so fast and to not laugh so loud. Thankfully it was never as bad as ‘being seen and not heard’ but there were elements of other people not wanting me to draw attention to myself because of reasons.

These reasons fell into two broad categories, one it’s embarrassing for me and two it’s embarrassing for them. The first one I didn’t care about and the second one never bothered me as much as people would like. Which is why to this day I am particularly embarrassing*. This regularly means I make an arse of myself but it’s never stopped me.

I am the person in the cinema who yells at people to stop talking or to not use their phone (their goal is to blind me) once the movie has started. I mean seriously, I am as addicted to my phone as the next person but I, and you too, will survive if you don’t use it for the next three hours. It’ll be fine.

In restaurants I will go up to waiters and ask for service since I will never wait for any length of time to be given a menu. I also stick my hand straight up into the air (finger pointing and all) to get a member of staff’s attention. This usually happens when I am trying to pay the establishment. If you don’t want my money that is wonderful for me, but don’t come chasing me down the street because I didn’t pay. I gave you the chance – I even asked for a card reader.

Yesterday I was at the live recording of Empire Magazine’s 100th Podcast. For every podcast they have two guests and before they name the guest they introduce them, listing all the movies they have starred in/directed. Usually I am clueless – I love my movies but don’t remember half the plots, let alone the actors. But for once I knew. I knew it would be Will Poulter after the host just said the words ‘Son of Rambo’. I knew it. It was like a bubble of joy in me since I knew the answer. It didn’t matter to me that it wasn’t a test because I knew it. And of course I had to let everyone else know that I knew it.

So I turned to my friend, who at that very moment had also turned to me and both of us said/squealed (I won’t deny it) ‘Will Poulter’ at each other. However that’s where the similarities end. She whispered it and since we were in a quiet auditorium this made sense. I however shouted it and all eyes were on us. I have never seen someone die from embarrassment as quickly as my friend did. I didn’t actually think her sinking in her chair with her knees drawn up to her face was a sign of shame on my behalf; I thought she was just as happy as I was for knowing the answer. She clarified things later on the train home.

I know I am embarrassing but I don’t think it’s ever going to change. So goodbye friendships, it was an absolute pleasure.

*though as an interesting aside, I have tried to not shout down the phone since I don’t want to make people deaf. I have become so good at this that one person who would constantly tell me to be quiet asked me to speak up.

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