It’s something I do almost every single day yet today as I was getting changed the prospect of going outside and running terrified me. I didn’t understand it and I still don’t – I don’t even know if I can articulate my feelings on it properly, but I will try. I was changing and looked down at my trainers and felt too scared to put them on. Looking back I wonder if the fear was more of a worry than anything else or maybe that is me just trying to downplay the whole situation. I don’t think it was the fear of running or the fear of putting on my trainers (as ridiculous as that sounds). It could have been the fear of going outside but I haven’t ever experienced that before so I’m not sure. Maybe it was a fear of the activity itself? Even after all this time sometimes running scares me and I don’t fully understand why.
It hasn’t been the best week for me and maybe that contributed. I had a cold, a series of late nights, and felt exhausted. I also hadn’t had the chance to do more than walking this whole week. Maybe that had something to do with it too. But it is strange. My body understands what is expected of it but my mind doesn’t always seem to. At lunch I always take the same route – one I know very well – so I never expect there to be any uncertainty about it. Never any worry or fear because it is such an ingrained habit.
I did put on my trainers and I did go for a run. For the whole of the first mile I found myself with butterflies in my stomach but they eventually settled and I fell into my normal rhythm of breathing and running. By the end I thoroughly enjoyed the run and the feeling of fear had completely gone. But I remember it and I remember how strange it was. I wonder if it’ll ever happen again? Have any of you ever experienced anything like it?