As I was thinking of writing this post I wondered how I can phrase my thoughts coherently. Here’s what I got: cheat days were invented by people who think you should feel guilty about eating food. I am not guilty about eating food and the word ‘cheat’ makes me want to punch someone. It isn’t cheating to eat chocolate or bread.
So that’s what I got and the more I wrote the angrier I became. In the end I deleted everything and was just left with the above paragraph. But that makes for a very short post doesn’t it? But it did get me thinking about other things I would like to die a quick and painful death.
- Slow people using London’s underground system. This applies to slow people walking on the street too. You may think that we Londoners are a moody bunch who can’t take time to appreciate the moment but the truth is that our destination is so fantastic that we want to get their quickly. Also overtaking you brings us joy.
- Creating a tooth gap in models. I remember watching an episode of America’s Top Model (back in my unemployment days) when a wannabe model had a gap in her tooth created because it is a look. No. Just no. When I see it in adverts in magazines I don’t think ‘awww she’s so cute’, I think ‘if you got that done one purpose you’re an idiot’.
- Chewing gum with your mouth open. As Newton’s Third Law states every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So you chew gym with your mouth open, I punch you.
- People thinking their dog’s poo isn’t their responsibility. It is. Pick it up.
- Drivers who believe indicators are random, optional thinks in a car. They aren’t and you should really use them. Not only is it annoying but you will cause an accident and then have no idea why you are the one to blame.
- Weight lifting will make women butch. I truly hate this one. No it won’t. It really, really won’t. If you are a woman and you want to weight lift then just do it.
- Using a mobile phone in the cinema. How is this also a thing? HOW? Same thing goes to people chatting in the cinema – stop it. The movie has started and the rest of us want to get our money’s worth. Have some manners.
- People thinking they need to explain things to me when I don’t ask for an explanation. This isn’t just directed to men – it’s directed to women too. Please stop. I will drift off and think of excuses to get out of the situation. If I wanted to know I would have asked.
And what have I missed out? What should also rest in peace? Let me know in the comments!