No I don’t want to dress / eat / rear any and all future children like a Parisian

Are Parisians made out of magic and unicorn tears? Do they shit gold and sparkles? If the answer to both is no, as I suspect, then I find it very strange why they are being held to be the epitome of all things covetable. Because according to way too many people we should all want to be like the French in terms of how we dress (because they dress better) and in terms of how we eat (because they eat better) and in terms of how we raise our children (because their kids don’t throw tantrums apparently).

I think it won’t come to a shock to any of you when I say I disagree but I want to know how French I really am, especially with how I dress. Having just googled ‘how to dress like the French’ I found this article and list by Style Caster on how to dress French. Let’s see how well I score.

  1. Say no to most trends and develop a signature look

Do leggings and trainers count as a signature look because that I wear more often than anything else. That and my own sweat.

I like being able to play with my look and my wardrobe. This doesn’t mean I buy the latest thing but it does mean I don’t really have a signature look.

Score 0 – 1

  1. Perfect tousled, sexy bed-head look.

This is a picture of me after a run. This is my sexy, tousled bed-head look but I really suspect it is just plain messy. I am Indian and it has been drilled into me while still a foetus that I do not, repeat DO NOT leave the house with messy hair. Plus the only product I put in my hair is coconut oil and that doesn’t lend itself very well to ‘sexy, wind-blown’ hair. This is for people who don’t have hair like mine, so perfect advice for the white French women Style Caster admires so much.

Score 0 – 2

  1. You can’t go wrong in a Breton striped shirt.

Me: What is a Breton striped shirt?

Google: A long sleeved top with stripes.

I was so disappointed when I saw the pictures of these ‘shirts’ because they aren’t shirts. There are no buttons! If it was a shirt I would have scored a point here, I love shirts.

Score 0 – 3

  1. Live in a wear-with-anything trench coat

I own a trench but I don’t wear it in the middle of winter or in the height of summer (the week that this is the case). I do love it and I do love wearing it but unlike what the article advises I do not ‘layer it with a fur stole when the weather gets colder’.

I don’t want to google ‘fur stole’.

Score ½ – 3 ½

  1. It’s all about the fit

This one I agree with whole heartedly (I am a little bit French after all, though I suspect it’s more a common sense thing). Everyone should wear clothes which fit them well and make them feel amazing.

Score 1 ½ – 3 ½

  1. Think in a neutral palette.

No. For any of you who follow me on Instagram you know how much I love colours and prints. For any of you who don’t just have a look at this shirt dress I bought the other day. I will always love colours and print and clashing everything. Huh, maybe I do have a signature style after all.

Score 1 ½ – 4 ½

  1. Have a signature pair of shoes

Again do trainers count? I am in them more often than not. That and Toms. I love Toms. Is this what Parisian women wear? Or do they wear really expensive shoes which will make my feet cry and bleed?

Score 1 ½ – 5 ½

  1. Investment shop when building your closet

This is actually advice I really would like to follow more in my life. Half a point to me!

Score 2 – 6

  1. Wear a menswear inspired tuxedo for the evening

This is something I would love to do. I have all the component parts just no wear to wear it. Also when it comes around to a night out a dress or a skirt or a pair of shorts always seems like the better option. I suspect Parisians go out to places where they don’t dance or sweat.

Score 2 – 7

  1. Go from day to evening with the perfect red lip

I don’t wear lipstick.

When I do wear lipstick it’s a special occasion. I do have red lipstick and I love it though but there is no transition phase.

Score 2 – 8

  1. When in doubt, ask yourself what a modern Coco Chanel would wear

I can truthfully say it has never occurred to me to ask this but now I will ask this.

Me: Coco Chanel if you lived now what would you wear?

Coco Chanel: Anything made by me.

Score 2 – 9

  1. Dress for yourself and only yourself

Doesn’t that make all the other Parisian style points redundant?

I do dress for myself hence why my style isn’t Parisian.

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Final score….drum roll please….three points to me! That’s more than I thought I would get.

I think I am very lucky that I don’t have children because they wouldn’t be French either (they’d be British Asians). I have no idea what those advice manuals are like and I have no desire to google them. Maybe French children are really well behaved but as a huge, massive stereotype I am going to say it’s about as real as me saying all French are racist.

Also French women don’t get fat? Somehow I don’t believe it. Plus snails is a thing they eat and I just can’t.

Also I’m not really sad about it either.

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