When I go running it’s just me and my thoughts. I listen to the traffic and the birds and the sound of my own feet. I don’t like headphones and playing music on loud (so without headphones and disturbing everyone else) is something I have been told is really tacky (and that stuck) so I don’t listen to music either.
KM 1 – I know I can treat you better then he can. And a girl like you deserves a gentlemen. I can do this. It’ll be fun. It’s hot isn’t it? Tell me why are we wasting time, on your wasted blah when you should be with me instead. I’ve run 10k before, easy peasy. Namby pamby. Shawn Mendes is very good looking isn’t he? Pretty sure he’s, like, 12 years old or something.
KM 2 – I won’t lie to you. I don’t think my knee is hurting, that’s good. I really need to write another book review with maybe less adjectives. And use a thesaurus for different words for ‘interesting’ and ‘nice’. And any girl like you deserves a gentleman. Milne* used to hate characters who were nice. I don’t think nice is boring. I bet Shawn Mendes is nice.
KM 3 – A girl like you deserves a gentlemen. Fuck, this is a hill and a half isn’t it? How many hills are there on this route? Eight? That’s three done. I won’t lie to you. I can do the rest. The knees are fine, this is good. Slow and steady wins the race. Is it more fun to run by myself or with groups? I need to write a blog post about that. I won’t lie to you. Nah, shit idea.
KM 4 – I know I can treat you – SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND. He’s playing that song so loud. SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIA- and a girl like you deserves a gentlemen. If I do get married will I be happy? Or am I happier now? Well right now my knees still aren’t hurting so this level of happiness probably can’t be beaten. Should I blog about that? WE’RE BEAUTIFUL LIKE DIAMONDS IN THE SKY. The drivers back. Traffic’s really bad isn’t it?
KM 5 – Work on Monday again. It’ll be fine – you’ll get through it. When you should be with me instead. All shit passes eventually. Have I pooed today? Is this run going to make me poo? Extra poo is always excellent. Is that a dead cat? I hate these fucking drivers who don’t pay attention to animals crossing the road. Little fucking shits. Oh, it’s a black bag. That’s good. I won’t lie to you. If that man is honking at him I am going to cut him a new bum hole.
KM 6 – 6 kilometres down and only a twinge in the knee! Pat on the back all round. Now keep going because you are running a half and you don’t want to embarrass yourself. Though if I need to walk for a bit I will walk for a bit. I know he’s just not right for you. Truth. It’s so strange having a conversation with myself. Better than he can. Is that the stirrings of poo I feel?
KM 7 – What in the world should I post on Instagram today? I won’t lie to you. Some inspirational crap? Why are we wasting time on blady bloop when you should be with me instead. I am not cut out to be inspiration. I am cut out to be sweaty, Huh. Maybe I’ll post that. I know I can treat you better. Shawn Mendes is really good looking isn’t he? Is he really only 12? How annoying.
KM 8 – Another. FUCKING. Hill. One foot in front of the other Rosh. One foot in front of the other. You were born to run up hills. I know I can treat you better. This is what your body was made to do. Move and dance and conquer hills. Oh fuck of. Then he can and a girl like you deserves a gentleman.
KM 9 – wait in this song is he saying he knows what’s best for her? As a feminist am I OK with that? As a feminist do I need to be not-OK with non-feminist things? Any girl like you deserves a gentleman. Can I just like the song and in real life punch the man who thinks he knows better? I’m really violent aren’t I? That was definite stirrings of poo – YES!
KM 10 – THIS IS IT. You only have one more hill and a few streets left before you’re back at home! Woop woop! Knee pain is minimal. Do you want to push it? I won’t lie to you. Look at us we’re flying! Wait, not only do I refer to myself in third person but also in the plural? I wonder what that means? That was definite poo stirrings. I won’t lie to you. This is a good day. THAT’S THE FRONT DOOR. I stink of sweat. Hulls are amazing. I want to eat.
And that’s me when I run. I tried to show the lack of coherence but the truth was they are even more jumbled. I drift from topic to topic touching on everything. The good thing about all of this is that I am pretty OK with my own company and the craziness of my own thoughts!
*My high school English teacher