Earlier on in November it was my birthday (party time!) and as I turned 29 I realised something – I’m grown up. Older than I thought I would ever be but not because I thought ageing was scary or horrible, but because I never thought enough time would actually pass for me to age. But time has moved on and you know what? I am absolutely fine with that. More than that, I am happy it has.
More than the FOMO (fear of missing out) I have for myself; other people’s FOMO is being shoved on me all the time. Shouldn’t I be married by now? Shouldn’t I have 2.4 children by now? All of these ‘shoulds’ and many more keep being thrown at me, and not always by other people. But the answer to all of them is NO. At I enter my 29th year I have realised that I am very, very tired of being controlled but ‘shoulds’ and ‘what ifs’. Right now, I am exactly where I should be.
Exactly. Where I. Should. Be.
Everything I have done has led onto better, brighter, and more beautiful things. I don’t believe that every person is born with a path laid out in front of them. I believe your life – my life – is to make and mould the best you – and I – can. I don’t have a destiny I need to fulfil or a road I need to take. Every choice I make spawns another set of infinite possibilities of what might happen. And that is so fucking exciting. My best is unknown and yet to come.
My teen years were so blah, as were my early twenties. When I started working and discovered running things became a lot more exciting. My childhood friends were no longer the people I relied on. University was finally over. I know I knew nothing then but that didn’t stop me from pretending I knew everything and I am so glad I did! That confidence got me through a lot. That confidence still does.
There will always be people in my life who judge me for the choices I have made but that’s OK because I don’t judge me. It’s taken me so long to get there but I am so glad I did. Who cares about the ‘shoulds’? My twenties were a learning curve and having gone through it all has taught me a lot. There is nothing I love more than sweating and wrapping myself up in a blanket (not at the same time!). I love watching crime dramas on TV and seeing my friends achieve their PBs and dreams. Hiking and travelling make me so happy my heart could burst. I love sugar and I love alcohol though the former give me spots and the latter makes me fall asleep.
I love the picture at the top of this post – every time I see it, it makes me smile.
But mostly my twenties taught me that worrying gives me grey hairs. What I can control I will, what I can’t I won’t. I can’t control what other people think of me so I will always behave to my standards and they can think what they want. I feel content with my life, happy with how it has turned out, and excited about what will happen next.
And I promise you all, the only thing I NEED to do is stop worrying. Everything else is really not important.
Happy birthday to me!