I think I have fallen out of like with running. I do it and I enjoy it but that’s about it. I have one race coming up and am slightly meh about it and wish I was more excited. So many of my friends are running the running the London Marathon next month and I’m not even jealous of them. I can’t remember the last time I ever felt so apathetic towards running so yesterday I sat down and actually thought about why and the answer is so simple: pain.
My legs are in pain. My knees (left and right), my ankle (left) hurt when I walk, let alone run. I run a 5k and when it’s done they all ache. I bend with my knees and the right feels as if it’s on fire, as if a tendon is about to rip. And I am so, so tired of this. I have rested. I have been to physio, I have stretched. I have rehabed. And still I am in pain.
So what’s the point?
Really, I am asking you all – why should I carry on? I love running but I also love being able to sit cross legged or lift things using my knees and not my back.
Why do I have to chose being my day to day health and being able to run? Why can’t my body be like everyone else’s and just work?
I don’t have answers to any of this and I don’t even have something positive to end on. I don’t have a solution. I need some sort of motivation but have no idea what that could be or how I am gong to get it. I know how lucky I am to run but fuck me, I rather not be in constant pan.
I hate feeling like this.